It is Sunday afternoon and I am hiding in my office, hoping not to be discovered. The boys are at Sunday School and Dave is somewhere in the house; I’m not sure where. All I know is that I made it undetected this far with my contraband. Time is of the essence and I must move quickly.
I am eating a Chocolate Fudge Pop-Tart.
Not only am I embarrassed that Pop-Tarts remain one of my favorite delicacies of all time, but I also know that I am a complete hypocrite. In many ways I feel like one of those ultra conservative members of Congress who kick and scream about family values until suddenly we discover that they have absolutely none. On more than one occasion, I have scolded Dave for enjoying his own Pop Tart in full public view (Dave is not afraid to be himself as his wife so clearly is).
“I bought THOSE for the KIDS!!!!” I will admonish him, complete with the hairy eyeball and exasperated sigh. Shame on me. I only yell at him in hopes that there might be one left for me at some point during the week when everyone is out of the house.
Because a toasted Chocolate Fudge Pop Tart – all warm and gooey on the inside – is my little slice of heaven. This must be what crack addicts feel like because it is an urge I often can’t control. And you know what? It’s not just Pop Tarts. On no. My cravings for kid food are fairly extensive. So I think it is time to come clean and name them – and my affliction — publicly.
Kraving(Krey-ving) – noun – a great or eager desire for food that society deems suitable only for children ages 12 and under. Due to potential ridicule, kravings are often satisfied in private. Related forms: to krave (verb).Hello blogosphere! My name is Emily and I krave. Big time. Here are some of the things that I krave on a regular basis:
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Pop-Tarts
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Lucky Charms
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6 piece Chicken McNuggets
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Runts Candy (preferably the tiny little bananas)
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Macaroni and cheese
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Fluffernutter sandwiches cut in quarters
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Cream soda
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Bologna
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Chocolate milk
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Cotton candy flavored anything
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The middle of the double stuff Oreo cookie
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Chef Boyardee mini raviolis with mini meatballs
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Cake batter (preferably licked off the beaters)
I’ll stop there for now. I know you are probably shocked that I have been able to pull this charade off for so long. You all thought I had a normal, well adjusted palate. But such an addiction is so easily undetected when the sufferer has children. I just simply waited until the boys finished eating or became distracted with something shiny and I gobbled up what was left.
But the shame has become too great. I think this catharsis is a good first step towards feeling better about myself. Maybe I might even discover that I am not alone?
Join me in my recovery, MoB readers! What do you krave? Your secret is safe with us.
